Overcome The Fear of NOT Sleeping (and Insomnia)

Make sure to download my FREE Guide on the 7 Steps to Eliminate Insomnia Forever & Get Your Life Back.

One way to think about insomnia is that it’s a FEAR of not sleeping. And when that fear grows, it leads to behaviors that worsen your sleep and ultimately create insomnia.

In this video I talk about the most common fears that underlie insomnia and how to overcome them.

Learn how to:

• Shift your beliefs about insomnia

• Bust myths about sleep/insomnia that create unnecessary fear

• REFRAME fears to make them less scary

• Face your fear (the most powerful way to overcome it!)

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WHAT I DO:
I help people overcome insomnia and get good sleep (without medication, drugs or supplements).

To Your Sleeping Better!
- Steve

TRANSCRIPTION
One way to think about insomnia is that it's a fear of not sleeping, and when that fear grows, it leads to behaviors that worsen your sleep and ultimately create insomnia.

In this video, I'm going to break down what you're really afraid of—what's underlying that fear of not sleeping—and how to overcome it.

My name is Dr. Steve Orma. I'm a clinical psychologist, and for the last 10 plus years, I've helped hundreds of clients all over the world eliminate insomnia for good, without medication or wasting time. So, let’s dive in.

First, let's talk about the common fears people have about insomnia. Insomnia seems like it’s a fear of not sleeping. When people have insomnia, they start to worry and have a lot of negative thoughts about sleeping or not being able to sleep, along with fears about getting over the insomnia itself.

But really, with insomnia, the fear isn’t just about not sleeping; it’s about the consequences of not sleeping. A very common fear is that you won’t be able to function the next day—whether at your job, as a parent, or in your personal life. This was my biggest fear when I had insomnia 10 years ago. I worried that if I didn’t get a good night's sleep, I’d wake up feeling horrible and wouldn’t be able to function properly.

Another common fear is that you’ll feel terrible the next day. No one wants to feel exhausted, drained of energy, or experience mood changes like sadness or anxiety. In the middle of the night, when you're struggling to sleep, this fear can grow, making you worry about feeling crappy the entire next day.

Some people fear that their health will suffer due to lack of sleep. This can range from concerns about developing diseases to weakening the immune system. The fear is not simply about not sleeping one night but about the cumulative health consequences over time. The fear grows because sleep is essential to our well-being, and insomnia can feel like it threatens that.

Another significant fear is that you’ve lost your ability to sleep, especially if you weren’t always a troubled sleeper. Many people who develop insomnia have previously slept fine for years, even decades, before suddenly encountering severe issues. When this happens, people may start to believe something is wrong with their sleep system, their brain, or even their body. This uncertainty can lead to a deep fear that they have lost the ability to sleep entirely.

One last common fear is the belief that you’ll never get over insomnia, especially if you’ve tried all the recommended solutions—like sleep hygiene, medication, supplements, or meditation—and none of it seems to be working. Sometimes, these solutions can even make things worse, leading to the fear that you’re stuck with insomnia forever.

How to overcome the fear of NOT sleeping

So, how do you overcome the fear of insomnia?

The first step is to shift your beliefs about it. Fear and anxiety are fueled by worry—by thoughts like "What if I don’t sleep tonight?" or "My health is going to suffer if I don’t sleep." These beliefs generate anxiety, especially in the middle of the night when you’re lying awake. The fear can even start earlier, during the day, as you anticipate the possibility of not sleeping. To shift these beliefs, the first thing to do is learn the key facts about sleep and insomnia.

Many people hold beliefs about sleep that are simply false, whether they've read misinformation online or received bad advice from well-meaning friends. For example, the fear that you've lost your ability to sleep is unfounded. It’s impossible to lose your ability to sleep—sleep is a built-in biological function. What happens with insomnia is that your sleep system gets off track, often because of behaviors or thoughts that interfere with it. Once you understand this, it can calm your fears, knowing you still have the ability to sleep within you.

Another common belief to challenge is the fear that you won’t be able to function the next day. While it’s true that you might not feel your best after a poor night of sleep, people are more capable of functioning on less sleep than they realize. Think back to any time you’ve had insomnia—though you might have been tired, you still managed to get through the day. You might even experience a phenomenon called hyperarousal, where you feel more alert than expected. I experienced this myself when, after sleepless nights, I had to see multiple clients in a day as a therapist. Though it was challenging, I got through it, which helped me overcome the fear of not being able to function.

Human beings are incredibly adaptive, and we’ve evolved to handle various challenges, including lack of sleep. While it’s not ideal to run on limited rest for extended periods, we are resilient enough to function even when sleep-deprived. For instance, doctors during their residencies often go days with very little sleep, yet they manage to function, perform surgeries, and care for patients. Similarly, astronauts and sailors often catch sleep in short bursts, yet they can perform complex tasks under pressure.

Another helpful strategy is to bust myths about sleep. A common myth is that how you feel the day after poor sleep is solely determined by how much sleep you got. In reality, how you feel is influenced not just by your sleep, but by your expectations for the day.

If you wake up and immediately expect a bad day because you didn’t sleep well, and now your expectations and focus are on how terrible your day will be. This only worsens how you feel physically. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: expectations, whether positive or negative, have a strong impact on us physically, mentally, and emotionally.

One thing to learn when overcoming insomnia is how to shift your beliefs after a poor night's sleep. Start your morning by setting yourself up to handle the day better. For instance, your expectations don’t have to be unrealistically positive like, "I'm going to feel wonderful today and function better than ever." Instead, you could think, "I’ve had difficult nights before, and I got through the day. I even had some great days when I didn’t sleep well. I have fun things planned today, and I’ll make the best of it." By focusing on a more balanced perspective, your experience of the day will improve.

A common myth is that insomnia leads to health problems like diseases. The truth is that your health isn't determined solely by sleep—many other factors contribute to overall well-being. These include diet, stress, exercise, life satisfaction, and purpose. Whether or not you drink alcohol, smoke, or maintain a healthy weight also plays a significant role. If you are generally healthy in these areas, sleep becomes just one factor in your overall health. This perspective takes some of the pressure off sleep. While we still strive for optimal rest, it’s helpful to realize that health is about more than just sleep. Insomnia can create pressure to have a perfect night of sleep, which can actually make falling asleep more difficult. When we worry about our health being tied to sleep, it paradoxically creates more anxiety, making sleep harder to achieve.

I’ve had clients who have dealt with insomnia for decades but were still generally healthy. They may not have been functioning at their best or feeling their healthiest, but they didn’t develop any major diseases. It’s essential to acknowledge that while insomnia can strongly impact your quality of life, it doesn’t necessarily lead to severe health issues. Shifting your perspective about insomnia’s effects on health can help manage the fear it causes.

Reframing your fears can also make them less scary. Reframing simply means shifting how you think about a situation. For example, if you fear that you won’t be able to function the next day after a bad night's sleep, try reframing it by saying, "I may not feel my best, but I’ve managed before, and I’ll get through the day." This doesn't mean pretending everything will be perfect; instead, it helps reduce anxiety by focusing on a more realistic and less catastrophic outlook.

Another way to address insomnia is to face the fear of not sleeping. Like overcoming a phobia, facing your fear head-on is often the most effective method. For instance, don’t plan your life around sleep. People with insomnia tend to design their lives around ensuring the best sleep conditions. This, however, only puts more pressure on sleep and can make insomnia worse. Instead, focus on your day and not on sleep. By not over-analyzing and ruminating on sleep, you allow yourself to shift focus, which can reduce the anxiety surrounding it.

It’s also essential to continue engaging in your daily life, regardless of how well you sleep. Don’t avoid work, relationships, or social events because of insomnia. Continue to exercise and stay active even if you didn’t sleep well. Avoiding these activities only reinforces the focus on sleep, which can perpetuate insomnia. Live your life fully, even while working through insomnia.

Take note of how you function on less or no sleep. You’ll likely find that, although you didn’t feel your best, the day wasn’t a complete disaster. Highlight these instances to lessen the fear of not sleeping, which will help you get past insomnia.

Lastly, avoid poor sleep behaviors. For example, don’t sleep in after a bad night, and avoid long naps during the day. Staying in bed too long when you can’t sleep is a significant factor in maintaining insomnia. Instead, set consistent wake-up times and resist staying in bed awake for long periods.

Facing the fear of insomnia by maintaining a balanced perspective, continuing to live fully, and avoiding behaviors that perpetuate insomnia will ultimately help you overcome it.